I Don’t Want to Write.
journal, march 28, 2013

And on the subject of letters,

During the craziness that was the month of November, I received a letter from my ex-boyfriend. It’s been about a year since we broke up. And I won’t sugar-coat myself - it was me who did the breaking. He’s sweet, but he’s an extrovert and I’m an introvert and I was just burnt out and exhausted, frankly. He also lives across the state so there’s that. Anyhow, on the envelope (we used to write little notations on the back of the envelope around the flap and such) he wrote that the letter had been sitting un-sent for a long time. The letter is a full page in his nice, tiny handwriting with odd erroneous uses of capital letters, just talking about his life with a bit of how he couldn’t believe he had me for a girlfriend. “If you feel led to send one back….”

And I don’t know that I do. I’m having trouble feeling anything at all about it, to be honest. Postage has gone up, I think, but I have these sunglasses on my shelf that he insisted I keep. 

(I just thought maybe if I summarized it all on the internet that a resolved feeling of some kind would come to me.)

Can’t sleep. So of course I would find some free Android motocross game. Although he should be wearing more gear, with how much I crash him. Maybe then he wouldn’t groan so much.

“My aunt lives in England. She met her husband online, so now she lives over there.”

This was a real sentence that really came out of one of the girls in my youth group. And for a second Kara and I just stared at each other across the circle of girls and then I started laughing hysterically but I couldn’t tell them all why.

Guys

there’s hope for all of us

YouTube-related bullet points

• lol wow my youtube hater is persistent :)!
• But a girl from my church listened to the playlist of all my uploads last night as she was doing stuff so that makes me really happy :’]

My hurr is kinda wacko today. But I like it.

me oh my.

I realized today that I’m an “all or nothing” person.

If I can’t be “all,” I assume I’m nothing. If I’m not the best, I assume I’m the worst. If I’m not the prettiest, I assume I’m the ugliest. If I’m not the first choice, I believe I’m the last, the worst, the bottom.

I don’t know when I started thinking like this, it’s just weird to realize.

dear future other half,

I am not insisting that you buy me things. If you want to, that’s cool, but don’t feel like you neeed to.

But dear, sometimes please just get me a gas station soda if I’m having a long day. Those things are just a nice little mellow happy drug to me and just the fact that you’d spend 99 cents to make my day a little better will mean so much.

I love you already.

Spell your tumblr name with your tags. DO IT!

V - Victoria likey

I - I will find my place

C - Classic rock baby

T - This is how I do volleyball practice with VCD

O - Offseason creys

R - Roar

I - I really love analogies

O - Old couples are my favorite

U - Ukulele

S - stuck in my head

-

P - Pretty much.

A - And I love the song

G - grammar

E - EEP.

S - Sigh.

(Source: demonicrosebush, via backesexual)

Does anyone else ever have nights where your own bed feels different and strange, the walls around you feel unfamiliar, and you wonder how you’ll ever be comfortable enough to sleep?